Heart's Desires

How often do you hear someone say I want this or that with all my heart? I wish for ----... There are millions of things that could go in that blank. We wish we were skinnier, prettier, richer... And the list goes on endlessly.

I am no different. I could fill that blank in with endless things. However if you really took time to examine that list how many of them are on that list for purely selfish reasons? I would be lying if I said there were no things in my list that aren't selfish. I want more time with my mom and dad-- just because I want to remember what their voices sound like and to feel them give me a hug again. There is nothing to be gained from this desire... Except to possibly bring a tear or two to my eyes and what benefit does that have truly?
In recent months, weeks, days, and even hours I find myself pondering on a lone thought. What are the deepest desires of my heart?

I can say without a doubt the two deepest desires of my heart are to get married and to learn the location where God has for me to be on the mission field. In looking at these desires I am forced to question myself... What is the motive in my heart behind these? If it is all about self and serving my wants then the likelihood of God allowing the blessing of those desires to happen is slim. If the intent of my heart is to serve, praise, and honor God then I truly believe that He will give me above and beyond anything my heart could desire. In saying that it is also about waiting for the right timing. Rushing God's timing is about as useful as trying to stop a ship from sinking using a teaspoon. It won't work. It only leads to frustration and anger.

So what's the solution? For me, for now, all I know is that I have to do everything I can to gather the knowledge that is waiting for me to glean from those people around me. I believe that there are things God is teaching and changing about me that would not have been as easy to accomplish if I was married. I have learned a lot about what I do and don't want out of a relationship. I've seen things that I want to remember to do when I am finally married. God has shown me things about that glorious day. I choose to keep most of them to myself because for now they are secret surprises that will be revealed when the time comes. For now I am filing things away that I'm learning and getting myself ready for that day when I meet the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I can only control me and my life. My future husband is in God's hands and when we are both ready that's when things will fall into place. I've seen it happen with my own eyes... My prince is yet to come, but when he does... I want to be ready!